Grey Sludge Existence

A short commute
a brief hello
a morning coffee

The spine twists
the body aches
the mind slips

Life is unmade by choice
guided by shame,
the unwavering beliefs

Memories conveniently pass by
replaying until burned to dust
or the film decays

Do you remember when you were here?
Do you know why you left?

Slowly I drift
spirit exiting into the ceiling fan
spilled into the fluorescent light

First the biofeedback fails
then the walls close in
and then the curtains close

On eves where sleep
fails
and fails
all is lost,
all is laid to rest

I’ve come to feel a warmth
to the desolate nature

Or at least a familiar glow

Echoes
aimlessly drift
in the caffeine malaise
a body desperate to collapse

They say
You can do better
    Remove me from this place
You don’t deserve to have this
    I need to make it end
You aren’t doing what you need to
    I have the choice to make it end

Its a familiar cycle
the central nervous disconnect

I retreat into the rythym
questioning if I’m still here