I can’t seem to remember what I was
trying to say
The lines go through my head
sputtering and spurring
until something comes out
There isn’t a sense of coherency
until the clairvoyant eject button kicks in
I get freaked out by the
recurring thoughts of hurting myself
Trapped in the head of the person
running the show
I guess that’s why I live above the clouds
I guess that’s why I don’t remember where
my body wandered off to
The preciousness of life isn’t lost upon me
I yearn each and every day to
find the reason I need
And yet the
crumbling physicality,
the constant forgetting and
persistence of being out of the moment
pains me to no end
Every time I get sick from stress
or feel my heartbeat race in arrhythmia
My mind fades into the distance
and I forget everything once again
I need to know I put up a good fight
I need to know I’m loved in spite of all of this
Many nights I panic thinking I’m going to
fall prey to dementia or immune illness
weakened by the latent torment I
face above the clouds
I hope one day I will understand how
good intentions and
extrinsic motivation
led me to fail
to be the person I want to be
Maybe this isn’t the right moment
to be comfortable with the times
Until then I can’t help but wonder
if it’s me who causes my head to
endlessly spin