He drifted into consciousness
downing an acidic brew
Just enough to get down the stairs
and into the piercing sunlight

He stumbles into the train car
listening to soft angelic singing
Hoping everything will be ok,
that he doesn’t need to eat today

But as he clocks into work
and a lifetime of bodily destruction sets in
it’s hard to not just want more aspertame

If he ever loses focus
he just downs a bottle at the space heater,
just one more day out of urgent care

Shove me down
Slam my skull into the barren sand

Drown me out
Make me doubt the existence of a heart

Every waking moment
the cortisol warps the floor underneath

Were we all born into weak backs and scoliosis chairs?
Did our teachers instruct us to put others down to get ahead?
Did God seek to expedite the customer deliverables?

As I commute home to clean the self-harm scizzors
I wonder if my job is on the chopping block next

Suffering averse
dark grey eyes
glued to the light

Embrace the eerie
incandescent glow

You never understood why those who
grovel, starve, suffer
hide from the radiance

Amidst the static
voices shout

You read the news didn’t you?
She is atrophying in front of your eyes

Thankfully you saw
She collapsed to the floor before the vultures

If only you had any power
Her children awaken, dazed and confused

If only someone gave you a break to help
Her spirit has been safely disposed of

A short commute
a brief hello
a morning coffee

The spine twists
the body aches
the mind slips

Life is unmade by choice
guided by shame,
the unwavering beliefs

Memories conveniently pass by
replaying until burned to dust
or the film decays

Do you remember when you were here?
Do you know why you left?

Slowly I drift
spirit exiting into the ceiling fan
spilled into the fluorescent light

First the biofeedback fails
then the walls close in
and then the curtains close

Frozen in time
dark soil nurtures

The endless drone of societal vigor
no longer pounds

Latent critters pass by
under the leafy canopy

Rain drops brush against my cheek

Miles of hidden beauty to traverse
for a brief moment appearing pure

Junction and switchback,
valley and creek,
I go deeper losing all sense of time and place

It’s just me
the pouring rain
the darkening forest

I eventually return to where I started
a hazy memory of the journey

A tide washes over
blood rushing through

The owl snaps its head
held together by duress

Pipes burst
Bridges collapse
The ground caves in

The thought is unmistakeable
it’s all there is

When I ran myself off the cliff
When I holed myself into vacant spaces
When I wandered deep into the abyss

I lost faith in keeping the charade going
to see highest order goods
in a bottomless inferno

So many plans
so many fervent nights
Desparate for the
elegant delusion

It was so convincing
the looming golden ticket

I’ve learned that the future self has to pay, the memory drags on hidden and unnourished

Suicidal rationalism
Libertarian dreaming
Voluntary dismemberment

Unengaged thoughts
Empty promises
Hotline hold times

The unmoored philosophy continues
ignored in its brutality
it’s inconvenience

Through the ever deepening sorrow
I have learned that the irrationality gains a stronghold
in the dark echo chamber

What do you remember?
Is it the old days
living la vie in simpler times

Endless summer days,
slow suburban drawl
crumbling convenience store parking lots

Is it the absence?
We haven’t talked in a long time,
I wonder if you thought I was estranged

Scrambling together simple meals
entrenched in cheap entertainment,
grasping for fleeting comfort

It’s hard to process
all the time that’s passed
Sometimes I stare blankly into the mirror
looking for answers
Other times I make up stories and
let the thoughts wander

It’s a brutal sting
of anger and sadness
redness and tears

Blood rushes out
I was never brave enough to make it deep
But it sure did hurt more the next time
Not really like I remember the previous times

Endorphins kick in
making me forget my doubts
and give into the moment

A seductive escape
Just one after the other
Each second giving way to the next

At first I tried to hide it
abhorred by the meaning
Eventually I stopped caring
wondering if it was even noticeable

Take away your eyes
so you never feel strain again

Take away your thoughts
Cognition stresses the brain

Take away your soul
It’s easier when you don’t have to feel

Don’t worry,
the billionaire class is hard at work
to save you from the daily
inconveniences of existence

Relax your mind,
embrace neurodegeneration,
become one with the product

The revolution
will save this unemployed
lost generation

It’s much better than participating
in a semblance of the world